"During finals week of winter semester, an acquaintance in my apartment complex said, 'Hey! Let me take you out for dinner tonight so you can take a break from studying.' I had two finals the next day, but he insisted that I go, so I accepted. Once we sat down at the restaurant, I let him know that I was grateful for his generosity in getting me out of the apartment, but that I could only be there for a short time because I had more studying to do. Completely ignoring my request, my acquaintance spent the next two hours talking about himself. The following are some of the best snippets from his monologue. I wish he were being sarcastic with these, but he was totally serious. I should know, because whenever I laughed at what he said, he looked offended:
On humility: 'I don’t understand stupid people, mainly because I’m a prodigy. My parents always said I was brilliant. When I was in elementary school, for example, I read at a high school level, and when I was in the sixth grade, I read at a graduate school level.'
On 'taking it slow' in a relationship: 'I speak fluent Spanish because I served a mission in Peru. I’ll talk about my mission stories later, though, because I don’t want you to fall in love with me too fast.'
On ESP: 'I really like you because we’re intellectually superior to most college students. I just love to analyze you [this is when he stares scarily into my eyes]. What are you thinking right now? I think I know, because we’re on the same intellectual plane…but I’ll save that for our next date' [had he really known what I was really thinking in that moment, the thought of a second date wouldn’t have crossed his mind].
On success: Him – 'So, what did you do today?'
Me – 'Not much -- I just studied, ate lunch and studied some more. It was actually kind of sad because I totally failed in my attempt to not burn a grilled cheese sandwich…'
Him – 'I’m sorry you fail at making grilled cheese sandwiches. You know what I fail at?'
Me – '…what?'
Him – 'I fail at failing.'
Me – 'What?'
Him – 'It’s true.'
Me – 'Surely, you must have failed at something at least once in your life.'
Him – 'Well, actually...I have failed at one thing. I’ve never told you this, but for the last year, I’ve been madly in love with your roommate and I haven’t been able to make her mine yet…actually, do you think you can help me?'
Yes, my friends: that last line was the real bombshell. It turns out his whole purpose for taking me away from my studies was not to be nice, but to get me to play matchmaker for him and my roommate. During the third hour of that date, while the employees of the restaurant were cleaning up and waiting for us to leave, I played the role of therapist girl while he weepily described his unrequited love for my roommate.
Finally, he paid for dinner (thank goodness), we drove back home, and I told my roommate this story. It turns out that she had been oblivious to the whole thing, and to my complete shock, they started dating a few weeks later."
Best Date - Entry F
"I met a girl in one of my classes and we instantly hit it off. I asked her out soon, and decided to do something different for the date based on our shared interest in literature. Instead of the typical date scene, we went to the Provo Library. There we went to the children’s section and read a book together. Afterward, we picked out a book that we wanted the other person to read. It was fun to talk and reminisce about our childhood experiences and it easily broke down any ordinary first date awkwardness."
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