Winners and Another Worst Date Story

Congratulations to our winners!  

Entry 19 won for the Worst Date Story.

Entry G won for the Best Date Story.

By far, the most fun I have had with this blog was emailing the good news to these two participants.

Thank you to all who have submitted, voted, and read this blog!

J You are more than welcome to continue submitting stories J

Zipping It

I have yet another story for you. This one is from a guy I went on a date with. We were talking about bad dates and he shared this with me.

A while back, he meets a really cute girl and asks her out. As part of the date, they go to see a movie. As they are walking in, he notices that his zipper is down. Instead of pulling it up in front of her, he decides to wait until the lights go down inside the movie theater.

The lights dim, and while his date is distracted by something at her right, he has his chance. He pulls up his zipper, and at the same time he is doing so, the girl sitting in front of him who has really long hair brushes her hair back over her chair. And of course, he zips her hair into his zipper. What is worse is that he can’t get it out.

Soon, his date looks back and sees him fooling with his zipper. Disgusted she asks  “What are you doing?!” This disrupts some people around them who look over. He tries to explain while struggling to free the hair. Still the locks are locked, and so he leans forward to the girl in front of him and tries to quietly inform her, “excuse me, but your hair is caught in my zipper.” Confused, the girl in front of him whips around, her hair is yanked, and she screams out. Now, everyone in the theater is looking over at them.

The girl with the long hair waits patiently while he tries and tries to release the hair, but with no avail. Finally, they decide to go get some scissors from the front desk. He climbs over the seat, and they awkwardly walk out. I would describe how that looked, but I think you can picture it pretty well yourself.

As they are walking to the front desk, who does he run into? His old Young Men’s President. “Don’t ask” is all he can say.

Thankfully, the front desk has scissors and they soon free the poor girl’s hair. Before they go back to the movie, he tells the girl “We both know that this story is going to be both yours and my most embarrassing story. You know what would make if even better? If we went out on a date.”

She accepted and he got her number. 

Valentine's Day Cards

I know it isn't Valentine's Day, but my friend Joey makes these hilarious cards (usually by altering Mormonads) every year that always make me laugh. I thought you might enjoy them as well. (By the way, for any girls who might be interested, along with being funny, Joey is also an attractive single dentist living in CA.)

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Interviewing for a Girlfriend & Dragon Dreams

Worst Date – Entry 25

A guy I knew from one of my classes asked me to lunch. He told me to meet him at the Cougareate. I try not to be to assuming, but because it was a date, I assumed we would be ordering lunch at one of the vendors in the Wilk together. However, when I got there, my date pulled out a brown lunch bag, and asked me if I had brought my own lunch. I told him that I hadn’t brought anything, but I could go get something.

I had barely sat down, when my date began an interview session. He had a notepad full of questions. He asked me everything from which sports I prefer, to how many children I want. He was really impressed with me and assured me after several questions that I had answered very well. What made the whole situation even better was that some friends of mine who happened to sit down nearby were witnessing the whole thing, and told me they had when I saw them later.

After an hour, I thankfully had a class to go to. (I will always love my Chemistry class for that sweet surrender.)

The friends who had been sitting close by told me that after I left some of my date’s friends came up to him to congratulate him on his date. Apparently, they had come along purposefully and were witnessing  from a distance as well.

Best Date – Entry Y

I had been dating this girl for a while. When we first began dating I told her how my father would say a common Korean phrase to wish me a good night. In English it is “Dragon Dreams.” It became a tradition for me to bid my girlfriend “Dragon Dreams” when I would drop her off at night.

One day, I took her on an adventure-style-date up Rock Canyon. We went to a cave and read a book together about dragons. After the story, we explored the cave with our flashlights, and in the back of the cave discovered a buried container (which I had previously planted). Inside the container was a beautiful dragon statue that I had bought for her. She loved the token of something so much more. 

Magical Moves & Absolute Art

Worst Date – Entry 24

I was serving as a ward chorister in my BYUI student ward. This was beyond uncomfortable for me since I am tone deaf. It also didn’t help that I was a new convert, and therefore knew about five hymns. But, I figured it was easy and that no one would actually be paying attention to me waving my arm around unaware. That was until I met "Bill". He approached me after church one day to tell me I was doing everything wrong. I was off tempo, I was not making appropriate eye contact with the pianist or congregation, I was not on key or not singing altogether (in my defense I know about five hymns), and the list didn't seem to end. However, knowing he was right, I didn't take offense. He then asked if he could teach me, and the appointment was set for me to go his apartment to do so.

Well, upon arriving, I discovered this was actually a group date to see Handel's Messiah. I didn’t want to embarrass him in front of his friends, so I decided to just go along. Normally events where you just sit and don't have to socialize aren't that bad of dates, but I was with a singing date. He literally sang along the whole first half of the performance. In between movements people would ask him not to sing, to be quiet, and eventually to just shut up, but he wouldn't. Instead, he continued to sing, and sing, and sing. And if the singing itself wasn't distracting enough he conducted, with both arms, and shut his eyes to really get into the moment and feel the crowd and the music and the power of Opera. At intermission, I tried to leave, but it was then I found out that afterwards I would be given my lesson on conducting. I was stuck, trapped next to Bill for the second half.

At this point, I knew I had one option and only one option to make him stop; I had to distract Bill. So with my right hand I held his right hand and snuggled deeply into left side where I sat. It actually worked!  There was silence, silence that lasted the rest of the show. Thank Heavens!

My "relationship" with Bill took a turn for the worse. After our date, Bill went to see our Bishop. He thought my come on was not only serious but carnally inappropriate for someone not wed. He was confused as whether to propose or to repent for the wild feelings he felt with me so close to him. I was in a stupor as my Bishop called me into his office and relayed this message to me with Bill anxiously sitting across from me. I asked Bill to leave so I could speak with the Bishop alone. My Bishop and I had a great laugh as I told him of the experience. Over Christmas break Bill drove home to Boise with a girl he met on the ride board, they came back from the break engaged. It was a real Christmas Miracle.

Best Date – Entry X

I had a perfect date. It was the kind that you would see on a movie during a montage while some epic amazing music was playing in the background. My boyfriend at the time, Drew, and I bought food for a picnic. We drove to Los Angeles, California and went to the Getty Museum. We ate our picnic food on a grass lawn overlooking LA and the beautiful gardens at the museum. Then we walked around to the art exhibits hand in hand spending time at each interest piece. After the museum we drove down the famous Sunset Blvd with our windows down (the weather that day was also perfect). We stopped at a famous record store, Amoeba Records, where we walked down each row searching for our favorite artists. After we found at least 3 albums each we went to the line at the register to check out and guess who was right in front of me? Julie Styles. My favorite actress was right in front of me! She probably noticed how much I was staring at her but I eventually found the courage to talk to her! We talked for a little bit and we introduced ourselves (even though I already knew who she was). I even have a picture to prove it ;)

After the most amazing encounter at Amoeba Records, Drew and I went to a famous sushi restaurant across from the Music Box venue. We ate crunchy rolls and spicy tuna rolls in line before we saw our favorite band Empire of the Sun. After two hours of sitting outside we went in and watched Luke Steele, the lead singer, sing our favorite song “Walking on a Dream”. That night we bought posters, CDs, and t-shirts to remember our perfect night.

There are only 2 days left to submit stories for the contest! 

So, if you have been waiting, don't. 

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Movers and Shakers & Blissful Beauty

Again, to avoid posting on Sunday, you get two on Monday. 

Worst Date – Entry 23

There was a boy in my ward who asked me out on a date. Now, I knew I wasn’t interested, but I really felt like I should give him a chance, especially because I knew he didn’t go on many dates.

The date was to start at 4pm and I was to meet him at his apartment. When I arrived, I found that he had bought a Roast-beef-onion-mustard-Subway-sandwich and a super-tart-mango-Jamba-Juice. Both of which were almost unbearable to eat/drink, but it is the thought that counts.

After we ate, he put on a movie that he had selected: Dirty Dancing. I have nothing against the movie, but I didn’t think it was the best first date movie to begin with. (This is where it started getting bad.) He kept laughing at all the super inappropriate and awkward parts. Then he tried to put his arm around me, but he just kept it on the back of the couch behind me so I left it alone. At one point he stroked my cheek with the back of his hand and said, "You're really pretty". I cautiously laughed and sort of ignored the comment, but I was really uncomfortable. Then later, I had my hands folded in my lap, and he reached over, grabbed my thumb and started violently caressing it to the point that it bruised a couple hours afterwards. After that, I kept my hands under my legs from then on. 

So when the movie finally ended, I tried to come up with any excuse I could to get out of there. However, it was harder to do than I thought. He said, "Oh, but, um, we just watched a dancing movie, don't you want to have a dance?" I politely declined, but he would NOT take no for an answer. So we ended up dancing to "The Time of My Life,” the song at the end of Dirty Dancing. The dance was really awkward to begin with, but then it got worse. If you've ever seen the movie or seen a poster for it or anything, there is a part in the movie where the guy is behind the girl, and her arm is up and he's caressing her arm/armpit/side. In the movie, she just laughs over and over again because it tickles. But it's this super-sensual-totally-awkward-thing. And yes, of course, he tried to do it. At first when he tried, I didn’t even know what he was doing, and so I was trying to get away from him. Then he said, "You know, like the movie!" I just shot him a look of utter disbelief, and thankfully he got the message. Oh, and he was singing the song throughout the entire dance, really close up in on my face and very much in my personal space. (ha that rhymed).

The song finally ended (thank goodness), but now only three minutes have passed and I'm still trying to weasel my way out of the most uncomfortable situation of my life, but as he saw me inching my way to the door he blocked the exit so I couldn't leave. This time, he said, "Oh, well see, I got a karaoke machine because I know that you like to sing because it says so on your Facebook and there is a music video of you and your sister singing on Facebook." Yeah, um, problem.

So he pulls out the karaoke machine and chooses “Summer Lovin” from Grease. Yes, again, not the best first date choice. He was having the time of his life though and kept waltzing around the room like crazy and even threw in a few pelvic thrusts. Yes, this is a true story. The song finally ended after he spent the last few measures of the song serenading me once again at an uncomfortably close distance from my face.

Whew. It was over. I forced myself to give him a very small smile. Then he literally threw himself on to me in the most frightening bear hug I've ever experienced. Everyone that I've reenacted it for has either jumped, or screamed, or both. It's SO much better if I demonstrate in person.That night, I got about 15 text messages from him. I was out and about and responded to zero. When I got home that night, I found five or six comments on various profile pictures on my Facebook, all saying inappropriate things, some more so than others. By this time I was fearful.

The next day he left me a message telling me that he wanted to be in a relationship with me. I had to call him back and try to kindly tell him that I wasn’t interested. Eventually, he got the point. Eventually.

Best Date – Entry V 

I'm from northern California and one great date I went on was a day trip to San Francisco when I was home.  My date and I took the BART in, listening to a playlist on his iPod that he had made for the occasion and then just spent the day exploring.  He had never been to San Francisco before, despite only living a couple of hours away, and I had a great time showing him some of the major tourist spots--Ghiradelli Square, Pier 39, Lombard Street, and Chinatown.  We also explored random little shops along the sides of the street.  We finished the date by seeing a musical.  The weather was absolutely terrible, but we still had a blast.  We also had a great conversation on the way home and I learned some things about him that I had never known before, despite being friends for over 4 years.  It was so great and I smile every time I think about it.

Worst Date – Entry 22 

This date started out fine-- he was an old roommate of a friend and he asked me to go to Divine Comedy with him. He picked me up and we watched the show (hilarious) and afterwards we went out to dinner. We ordered and he tried to make conversation by attempting to reenact the sketches we had just watched at the show, while throwing in some slightly racist comments about the place we were eating and the waiters and waitresses. Finally our food came and we had just started eating when a couple in their late thirties came up to him and started chatting with him. They talked for a few minutes, leaving me out of the conversation, when my date remembers that I am there and says, "Oh! Let me introduce you to my date! You guys, this is Lauren." Uuuhhhmmmm..... my name is NOT Lauren. I told them my real name and they looked at me like I was stupid or trying to make a bad joke. So, they chat for a little while more and then ask my date and I to move to a table with them; we agreed. The rest of the night consisted of the woman telling my date what we should do on our next date, and the one after that, and the one after that. "Next time you take her out, you should come up to Salt Lake to visit us and we'll all go to dinner. And the next time you take her out you should...." etc. In my head I was thinking, "Next time??? He can't even remember my name!" Towards the end of the evening, the woman said she wanted a picture of us. She took out her iPhone and we scooted in closer to each other. She was about to take the picture when my date decided to rest his head completely on my shoulder. I whipped my head around, thinking, "What are you doing???" and that is when she took the picture. It looks like one of those engagement photos where the man is lovingly gazing up at the woman, who is swooning over the man. Then we took another picture that I thought was going to appear normal. It turns out he was going for more of a bed-intruder impersonation, with a "I'm gonna find you!!!" look on his face. She also immediately posted the pictures on facebook for the whole world to see. 

Best Date – Entry W 

One day my best friend and I had planned on watching a movie, but when he picked me up, he told me he wasn’t in the mood to watch a movie and suggested we do something else.  Neither of us were sure of what to do instead, so we decided to drive around until a thought struck us. 

It was a beautiful drive.  We just drove around the city, but when driving without a destination, you notice things you never did before.  We found this tree that had very interesting flowers on it–flowers I had never seen before.  We got out of the car to take pictures, and discovered upon closer inspection that it was actually a telephone pole covered with vines and these beautiful flowers.  Unexpected beauty.  We got back in the car and drove around some more, when I noticed the sun was beginning to set.  I told him to head to higher ground so we could see it.  He knew we didn’t have time to get into the mountains, or we would miss it, so instead he drove us to suburb that was just barely undergoing development.  It was a field area that now had cul-de-sacs with no houses in them.  We stopped in one, discovering an abandoned couch, right there in the cul-de-sac.  So we sat down on that couch that seemed as though it was expecting us and watched the sun set and talked for a long time. 

Afterward, he wanted to show me something.  So we drove to this parking lot which was also paradoxically gorgeous.  It was a parking lot built for the winter games, but it hasn’t been used since, and thus, nature has decided to reclaim it.  It was in an area where you could see the stars, and there were huge brown-eyed susans growing right out of the asphalt. We walked and talked and took in the beauty of the stars and the flowers that surrounded us.  I picked a flower and discovered that the stem, when cut, had a beautiful perfume.  It was such an enjoyable walk. 

He’s my best friend, the kind of guy that I can talk to about anything and everything.  He’s interested in everything too, so he’s an excellent conversation partner. It was a lot of fun. The way to get in and out of  the parking lot was by a small hill, covered with decorative rocks, and I was wearing high heels.  He has always been the gentleman to offer me his arm, and this time he took my hand in his and cautiously helped me to descend the small rocky slope and took me home. 

It had been such a wonderful date.  I went home on cloud nine, and wondered, was I interested in this guy, or was it just a really fun date?  Only a few equally wonderful dates later, I realized I was in love, and we have been dating ever since :)